Yesterday when I made the decision to put my heart in Your hands, I feel I can finally be able to put aside the junk thoughts that’s been plaguing me since I entered Uni. They haven’t been much of a help, making me freaking out everyday with all kinds of fears with people and studies. I just couldn’t really do life properly.
After laying it down (and knowing I’m gonna keep it laid down), I’m able to have a hang of my own emotions and thoughts, taking control over what I allow in and what I filter out.
I still have my concerns. I wonder if I am gonna “lose” her to other guys if I don’t do something about it, if I don’t try to get closer to her and stuff. I wonder if we will ever end up together, and if we do/don’t, will it be a sad thing for me?
I’m writing this now because thoughts like this makes me wonder. However, there’s a difference than how i used to feel. In the past, I would freak out and feel all insecure, afraid to “lose” her, someone I like so much that I may not be able to find elsewhere. Now, it’s just a passing thought, a small concern in my heart that will we end up with each other? If we don’t end up together, it isn’t a big issue. I won’t go freaking out and fear “losing” her.
It’s just a passing thought, no longer a tug-of-war battle. I can safely say I’m laying my feelings for her down and not be afraid that I’ll be shortchanged if I don’t end up with her. God will give me the best, the best that I should have.
At the end of the wedding aisle, looking at the beautiful woman walking towards me, do I want to know that “this is a Godly thing” or do I want to settle for “this is a good thing”?