So today was my first ever singing performance in front of an audience. It wasn’t super amazing or anything like it, but it is a big step for me. Can’t believe I actually sang in front of an audience, thankfully this time round with a partner singing with me.
It has been a secret desire for me to be able to sing well. Never ever had I have the courage to even sing in front of others (except when I’m leading PnW), let alone singing on stage. For someone who struggle with shyness even in saying hi to people he isn’t close to, singing on stage is a pretty phenomenal thing.
Just this morning alone, I didn’t know if I should say hi to this person i don’t talk to, though we know of each others’ existence. We made eye contact for awhile, she even smiled in my direction. The only problem was, I was about 20m away. That’s too far for me to respond if I haven’t really talked to you before. I just couldn’t bring myself to say hi, cause i didn’t know if she was smiling at me or someone behind. Maybe she was just randomly smiling and looking in my direction, maybe she was smiling at someone behind me. I only realised that she was smiling at me when she gave the awkward, unhappy look-away.
Anyway back to topic, i would wanna be able to perform on a big stage in front of a big crowd. Ultimately, one day i wanna be able to bring glory to God through music in public. Not just in PnW setting, but more in the area of secular music written to captivate the hearts of people with godly values and lyrics. I wanna influence people through the way I live my life, through the way I interact with people, and through arts (music, video, photo, etc.). It’s pretty unlikely for someone like me to make it big in these areas, knowing me, as i’m not a very creative, visual, artistic person. i’m more of the simple, mundane, boring theoretical kind of person, those who rather play it safe than take risks.
After performing on stage, I still feel some form of shame for doing it, like “who do u think u are, u ain’t that good,” kind of subconscious thought, “you’re not that worth it to be performing.”
Still, it is my dream and goal to one day be able to sing and play in front of an audience with no shame, bringing glory to the One who made us all. I want to bring all these as an offering and worship unto Him. I don’t mind being famous, but for the right reasons: for His honor and His glory.