Confrontation is a good thing. It’s what helps people and organisation to grow and move forward, if done correctly. However, it’s like a forbidden thing to be confronting someone, even if there’s an obvious need to do so.
Nobody wants to be the bad guy. Confronting someone puts us in a place of risk: the risk of creating unwanted conflicts, the risk of losing a friendship, the risk of getting rejected by others. “Why get myself into more trouble when I already have a set of my own?”
Growing up, I hated confronting people. Even right now, I’m more of a people-pleaser than a real, authentic person that loves people enough to confront them when I see them going the wrong path or doing the wrong things. It sucks to be hated by a friend, even if it’s for awhile. I don’t want that.
On the other hand, deep down in me, I wish I have friends who dare to confront me when they see me not living up to the standard I should be at. I wish I have fathers and mothers who would love me enough to take the risk to stop me at where I am, speak some truth/wisdom/sense into me, even if it wouldn’t be the most pleasant.
Over the years, I begin to realise everyone is pretty much the same in this sense, that we are afraid of confronting others in truth and love. It’s inconvenient. It hurts to put ourselves out there. We rather let it go on, avoid any conflicts, hoping for the person to see their blind spot and settle it themselves miraculously. If they don’t change for the better, we distance ourselves from them, thinking they are weird, creepy, unfriendly, etc.
One thing about BSSM that I really like is that on the first day of their year 1 class, the associate pastor would encourage failure and confrontation. Why? We need it. If we don’t fail, we don’t learn. If we aren’t confronted, we are going to have to learn it the hard way when life hits us or when something really bad happens.
Bottom line is, I want to get rid of this mindset that confrontation is bad, and I want to be able to love someone enough to confront them of something that’s detrimental to them, even if it’s just a “small issue” that seems negligible (For example: If someone I love has body odor, and I can smell it around them in public, I want to know I am close to the person enough and love him/her enough to be candid with him/her, instead of just let it sit and them suffering the judgement of others with no clue about it.)