One Deep Desire

Deep inside my heart, I desire to be a great communicator. It might be because communicating with people a major area of weakness in my life. I struggle with connection, be it superficial or deep. Before a class presentation, I would literally tremble. When I’m up in front, my mind goes blank. Even when I’m in a small, casual group discussion setting, I couldn’t think like how I can when I’m alone. My mind just get stuck, and I would be loss for words to the message I want to convey or the heart thoughts that I want to express. Simply put, I feel pressured at the slightest sense of the need to perform or present something. I have problems leading praise & worship completely, even though I could flow so well during my practice sessions. My stage fright seems to be much more greater than most people’s. Maybe it’s an issue with self-acceptance. Maybe it’s the need for affirmation that making mistakes isn’t as bad as I think it would be. Maybe I just need to get my lazy butt moving and rehearse more. Whatever it is, it would be God if I end up becoming a super-effective communicator. My dream and goal in life, at least one of my major ones, is to be the best communicator I can be. On stage or off stage, I want my life to be a role model for people to follow, for people to see that fear, insecurities and longstanding childhood struggles can be overcome. I want to be able to influence many people and to manifest His kingdom. And one of the crucial traits is to be able to speak/communicate well.

(I know Moses wasn’t very good in his speech too. God can still use us mightily even if we can’t speak well. But that isn’t an excuse for me not to grow in this area. I really, really want to be able to communicate clearly through words and actions.)

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