Ughh. Looked back at my old old insta feed. One word: TERRIBLE. Can’t believe just 3-4 years ago, i would caption photos like this. I was 18~19, but I typed like I was only 13. It’s no wonder I struggle so much with verbal and non-verbal communication. It’s no wonder people would find me weird. I find myself weird as well.
Truth be told, my people skills is not up to my age’s standard. At this age, i ought to be much better at conveying my thoughts or messages in a proper, clear way. It’s no wonder i find myself still struggling with issues people struggled with in their secondary/pre-Uni days. Hard not to think I’m way behind everyone else in this life race, even with people younger than me. To catch up with them is almost impossible. It’s times like this I wished I had allowed my younger self to open up more, engage with people and with my emotions. It’s not easy to say that God can make up for the time lost. It’s difficult to see how I am gonna be successful in life, especially as a professional communicator. I mean, it has never been my strength to communicate well. I struggle more than the average human being when it comes to interaction and public speaking. Look at the way I make friends. Look at the way I speak with people. It’s no wonder people find me queer, it’s no wonder i can’t really relate to people. Not that i don’t want to. I actually like people a lot. However on the other hand, i struggle so much with connecting with people. I feel torn apart by this difference sometimes. Some people call it amphibian (introverted + extroverted nature). I wish I’m better than this. I wish i have better people observation and skills. I wish i could connect with people on a normal level like a normal human being, instead of coming off as weird or childish.