As I was on my way back to tampines, I tried holding back my tears as I read this article called “Good dads are irreplaceable!” by Pastor Dian Botha.
I teared because I wished I had a dad like that: a dad who makes me feel significant and safe, a dad who makes our home a safe place to stay. A dad who isn’t verbally abusive, encouraging us instead of putting us down.
Don’t get me wrong, my dad is a very responsible man. He always gives us his best, just to meet our material needs. He just wasn’t fathered well by his dad. His dad was always absent because of work, and would be harsh on him when the dad is home. Hence, he’s unable to love us in a healthy manner.
I teared also because I want to be a good dad like this article mentioned. I want to be able to provide for the needs of my spouse and children, to make them feel safe and significant.
Below is the full article from his page:
“David was a great man of God, greatly beloved by God but he did not father well. I suppose it’s because he himself was rejected by his parents.(Ps 27:10)
Due to this David lost several sons who died prematurely, and Solomon who took the throne was born of Bathsheba. It seems the rot started with Eli the high priest. Both his son’s died as they were immoral and corrupt. God said to Eli:” You honor your sons more them Me!” (I wonder if God would say that to any of us?) Samuel the prophet was raised by Eli. The bad fathering continued as none of Samuel’s sons walked in God’s ways. David was also fathered by Samuel. You see example is a powerful incubator for habit! (monkey see, monkey do!) If great men of God can so miss it with their children, you and I better take note.
One of our greatest needs of the hour is dads who can father well!
Let me get straight to the point! Are you a good dad? How do you know that? I find it shocking that men will pay thousands of dollars to learn how to play golf well but won’t learn how to father well! Have you read any books on Fathering? Attended any courses? It was mainly our dads who “taught” us how to father and sadly many of them faltered. So where does that leave us?
Don’t despair there is hope! Let me remind you that your role model isn’t your dad but Father God.
Many fathers think they are great dads just because their kids are not wayward or doing well at school. Big mistake! (That’s mostly because of mom’s contribution!) It’s more than just good grades and behavior, it’s about destiny!
A good father essentially provides two things to a child: Safety and Significance.
A child must ALWAYS feel safe! Even when they are being disciplined. Remember discipline is NEVER rejection. Here is a good ratio: 80% encouragement and 20% correction. Your voice should be loud and clear: “I will never leave you nor forsake you, I will protect you and provide for you. You are very precious to me!” People who grow up not feeling safe live by fear and not by faith! They make plans based on what might go wrong and not on the promises and goodness of God.
Finally a father must give significance to a child. I have never felt inferior in my life because my dad believed in me. I always believed that I can do something great because my dad told me so! Not by words only, he came to my rugby games cheering from the side. I was important to my dad. Since my kids were born I have been telling them that they were born for greatness. They were born to change the world. I’m here today because people believed in me and made time for me. C’mon dad go tell them how much you love them and make them feel safe and important.”