Today I was outside a temple at Bugis with my cell leader. She goes there every week to visit a few of the old people to spend some time with them and to pray for them. We were meeting up for core meeting and everyone else was late, so we decided to drop by the place awhile to pass the uncle something she got.
Apparently, that place was a zone of relatively high spiritual activity (i thought). Much like a potential ground for God to move. One of the old man we visited stood out to me. It wasn’t because of his physical appearance (he didn’t have a nose). He was outside the temple gate waiting for people to give him money, while he has a buddha statue on his mini table. However, as we interacted with him, he turns out to be an ex-JW. He sang some Christian hymns, talked about bible stories, and shared with us his ‘insights’. As he was just rambling on and on, a question bubbled within me: “do you know Jesus?”
I nearly asked him that question, but he was talking non-stop so i thought i should just respect him and not interrupt. It dawned on me that knowing the bible well and singing all the Christian hymns doesn’t equate knowing God. We know all too well that it’s all about a relationship with Jesus, but how often do we treat every bible reading, prayer, and the time we spend with God as just another thing to check off our list when we are busy with our “important” stuffs?
So often, I am just satisfied clearing my bible reading quota (though i seldom hit them), praying in tongues quota, and just carry on with my own life, chasing my own selfish wants & desires, instead of caring a thought about His desires and His heart. What’s worse, I am feeling “ok” with this, even right now.
I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want to ‘grow up’ not knowing who my Daddy is. I don’t want to live in an illusion that I know who my God is when in actual fact, I don’t. I don’t want to be lukewarm.
Daddy, HELP ME. I need You.