What I really want

I really want to learn how to 

write songs, 

play good music, 

write poems, 

take beautiful pics, 

just so that I can express my emotions and feelings in an expressive and accurate way.

I haven’t been riding on the free time I have to learn these (because of lack of discipline and distractions), and am only feeling a sense of ‘I wish I can do these’ whenever I feel the emotions coming.

I want to be felt. I want to be understood. I don’t expect people to know how I think & feel if I can’t communicate it properly. That’s why I want to improve in my communication, in my use of words to phrase how I feel the deep desires of my heart and sometimes the brokenness within. 

I have never liked being fake, and I don’t like faking things before others. 

I don’t want to be just a happy-go-lucky guy. In fact, I wanna be rooted in love, to be someone with depth: having a strong foundation, strong will, carrying deep thoughts & emotions. I don’t want to be viewed as a shallow person, I don’t want to even be one. Often times I feel like I’m really emotionally and soulwise shallow. I’m sure many would think so too, by the disconnection they often feel with me.

I’m learning. Have seen some improvements in myself, and am gonna work hard to be the man that I wanna be: to learn to walk in truth & love, to learn to walk me through dark valleys and mountain tops, all kinds of stirring & emotions, live through praises and criticisms, acceptance and rejection. To learn to live my life for one purpose only, and that’s to love the Lord with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind and all my strength. I don’t want anything else. I just want to love Jesus and live to be like Him.

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