So I realise I feel overwhelmed easily when I’m around people. Is it really an introvert’s thing?
It’s like I’m so aware of people around me and so cautious of what they think. I don’t want to, but I can’t. I’ve realised I haven’t been able to think when I’m with people, especially when I’m trying to engage with people in conversation. It’s like when i have mindblock, it’s really bad until i dont have anything to talk to the person about. And it just brings awkwardness into the atmosphere. Things get awkward. People feel awkward. I feel awkward.
I feel so affected by it. I’ve been trying to connect with people, but I can’t get past a certain point for years, with the opposite gender especially. I’ve never had a close female friend, and maybe just one or two closer male friends at each life phase.
I can’t look people in the eye when i was young. Now, i still am able to do it with some effort, but i still don’t feel comfortable most of the time, especially when I’m talking to someone I’m not comfortable with. More often than not, i would not be able to process my thoughts well and just feel the blockage. I think it’s fear but I’m not really sure.
When it comes to talking to people on the streets, strangers or people in school or church, i struggle to engage in a conversation half the time. I have no idea how to connect with people on a deeper level, especially with females. I would tend to be overwhelmed by fear, even more so if the person is attractive.
It has been a problem for me especially when i try to move in the prophetic too, when i try to obey God. I realise I’m not able to, partially because I’m not confident that i heard God (i realise I’m easily distracted and i would form thoughts myself and think it was God).There were a few times i really felt the grace to do it, but i stupidly ignored it (only to regret badly afterwards). Other times, i rarely stepped out and try telling the word to people (less than 5 i suppose).
This has to stop. I can’t let this fear of man and introverted nature hinder me from obedience, but i don’t know how to do it.
When i board a bus filled with seated people only, i would feel overwhelmed and want to get a seat quickly or stand at the side. I dont like that feeling that “they are looking at me”, and i cant help myself to not think this. I know they aren’t, but i would feel so afraid and just feel uneasy.
Back in 2011 when i first felt to pray for ppl in the streets for healing, i was able to do it quite a bit (maybe every 2 or 3 ppl out of 10). But now, i average 1 out of 100? It gets worse when i feel maybe i have a word for somebody, especially when i know I’m not very accurate. It’s like the fear is hitting hard. And i dont know what to do about it. How to overcome? It’s so tough.
I know God’s grace is enough for me, and I will overcome. I just hope whenever i face with such situations again, i won’t feel overwhelmed but am able to boldly and courageously face it and overcome.